I recently wrote a post about living intentionally, which you can find here. One of the things I did as part of my resolve to be more purposeful & prayerful about my life was to write some questions to help my Mr & me review our relationship & life together at the end of year one. We found this an immensely helpful activity, we’ve made some healthy changes & planned some exciting things for the future as a result.
I’ve decide to share my 12 question topics, in the hope that they may inspire you to do something similar, either as an individual or a couple. These two posts will also start off a new series I have brewing, Tales of a Newlywed. I’m really looking forward to it & have a few guest posts in the works. For today, I’ll share the first six topics from our newlywed review.
*Quick aside: I realize there is an obvious Christian faith slant to these questions & posts. I sincerely love Jesus & choose to involve God in every area of my life, so couldn’t honestly share this journey without that being evident. If you don’t share my beliefs, my intention is not to Bible-bash… I do hope you’ll keep reading nonetheless, & that there will be enough common ground for you to enjoy doing so!
Gratitude is a good place to start
What 12 things are you most grateful for about our marriage? Give yourselves some time to think about this, but don’t ignore the first things that come to mind. Some of ours were quite fun & light-hearted.
- How is our communication?
- How we doing at putting each other first?
- Are we fighting fairly?
- Do we feel like we’re living as a team, working well together?
- What about our spiritual life, are we happy with the amount we pray, read & discuss God things together?
- Are we being intentional about having fun together & creating memories, not just going through the motions of life?
If this is not something that you discuss regularly, now is not the time to be coy. I too was tempted to be coy & leave this topic out, but there is so much value in honest sharing in this are that I had to post it. We asked questions along these lines:
- Are we planning for intimacy, or does it just happen when it happens? How do we each feel about how often sex ‘just happens’?
- Talk about the level of variety &creativity in this area; how can we serve each other better?
- What would we like to change, or see more of?
Wonderful as it is to have a partner, we are still individuals & I know I struggle when I don’t get to be by myself sometimes. Ask yourselves:
- How are we each doing at having time alone?
- Do we get space to have time with God alone, to pray & reflect, and to pursue personal & spiritual growth?
- Do either of us have hobbies or activities you are excited about that you just never get round to? How can we work together to make time for these things?
I’m not saying don’t enjoy new things together, but we’ve found it quite liberating to not put pressure on ourselves to enjoy everything our person enjoys doing!
- What serving opportunities are you enjoying?
- Are there any new area’s you like to grow & serve in?
- Are you being intentional about building community & loving people who aren’t the same as you?
- What about new people, how can we better care for them?
- Are we inviting the input of other mature believers into our life & marriage?
- Do you feel like we’re honouring our parents well? How can we do that better?
- Are we ok with how much time we do/ don’t spend with family, in general as well as particular family members?
- Are we communicating with overseas family enough (we have a lot of people not nearby)?
- We also talked about gift giving & expectations around that, as well as how we as a couple choose to bless our family on special occasions.
- Are we taking initiative in your family relationships, particularly in any strained relationships?
- What about our family? We revisited earlier discussions about when we’d like to start a family; pregnancy & adoption… scary-exciting things like that.
That’s the first round of questions, next 6 to follow in a few days. Perhaps you’ve done a similar exercise & have some pearls of wisdom to share, or questions you’d add under any of these topics? Feel free to add them below in the comments section.